The “Yes and” Secret
The yes and secret:
Have you ever watched Saturday Night Live and wondered, how do they work so well together? How do they flow with each other’s characters?
I learned this secret to how they make their skits look so easy to do and like they have rehearsed for months. Years ago, I knew that I wanted to be more prepared in my leadership role and be more comfortable and confident in front of the room for presentations and speaking engagements. I had come to the conclusion that the only way to ever be comfortable in doing something new is to practice getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. In fact, it’s risky and scary! It requires more than just researching “get out of your comfort zone” quotes on Instagram. It requires us to do three things:
Decide to Do It. Every new action starts with the right mindset. We have to be willing to do our part. We can think about taking a risk for years before we actually take it. This can be analysis paralysis. Our fear of taking that risk actually freezes our brains into a loop of analyzing all the details to the extent that we don’t take any action, we just talk about it or think about it. Most of the time when we are in this frozen state of inaction, the only way to move through it is to take our thoughts captive. Write them down. I call this a brain dump. Get all those reasons why you haven’t taken the first step out of paper. This action clears space in your brain for your curiosity to step in and decide that it's okay to be uncomfortable. It’s okay to have fun, laugh at yourself, be wrong, be vulnerable, be the dumbest and/or the new person in the room. It starts with the conscious decision.
Communicate Intentionally. How many times have you shared a brilliant idea with someone and they said yeah that’s a great idea but…? Those two words (yeah, but) can crush confidence when you are on the receiving end of them. Once we hear the word but, we stop listening. Our brain naturally zones out to protect us from what they say after the “but”. In order to keep the conversation moving in a win-win direction, we intentionally change that “but” to an “and”. And when we hear an idea that we don’t agree with, find the 10% that we do agree with and say, “Yes, I like this part… and what if we did…?” See how that is a more intentional way of communicating? It creates more room for ideas to expand.
Remembering to use “Yes and” has been the secret that I learned while I took a year of improv classes. When I wanted to be a more prepared leader, I took these classes to be more comfortable being uncomfortable. It wasn’t about being funny. It was about learning how to create flow in open communication and dialogue. I learned how to let go of control and be curious about how things unfolded. It might be funny, it might not. Did I learn something? Every single time I practiced with my team and was on stage. The yes and secret has served me well in my business, communicating with my team and especially my family.
Take Fearless Action. Once we have created the curiosity mindset and reframed how we speak to ourselves and others, actually taking the risk is less scary and less out of that comfort zone. It becomes more like a small step and our brains get excited at the possibilities that might open up when we take that risk, rather than being shut down from that analysis paralysis.
Now that the secret is no longer secret, next time when leading your team on brainstorming how to solve a problem, try the yes and approach and see how your team thrives in the conversation. And then, try it at home and see how your family thrives.
